Infertile Spouse Confessions

Editor’s Note: All of the pieces in our ‘confessions’ series are anonymous.

My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for more than five years. When we were first married we wanted to wait a little before trying since he already had two kiddos and he was on a pretty frequent rotation out of the area. Now we are starting to give up hope as my body starts to age and he continues to deploy.

Right now I don’t care if this statement is 100% true… it is how I feel: I am infertile because of the military.

I do all the “right” things. I eat healthy and exercise. I track my flow using an app called “My Days”. I know my cycle and it runs like clockwork. I take the appropriate temperatures and test for the best fertility window. I can even feel when I ovulate, that little pinch in my abdomen. He does all the right things too. He has been tested and he is healthy. I on the other hand cannot get tested. The hell you say! I have been to multiple primary care providers (PCPs) with the hope and intent to document my infertility. We all know how much fun changing doctors is when we move. Plus, I always seem to get assigned to a doctor or nurse practitioner who is on his/her way out the door. Out of the six PCPs I have had in the last three years not one of them is willing to put anything in my medical records. Each time I go and attempt the same difficult conversation… I am met with distrust, disbelief, or disdain.

One of the more memorable questions I have been asked was, “Do you know how it works?” (I am not kidding. One of the military medical professionals actually asked me if I knew about the birds and the bees.) I believe I responded with something like, “Well, I wasn’t a virgin when we met, and he had two kids before he met me so am I am pretty sure we know the mechanics.” His response was, “Are you sure?” At this point I was getting angry but trying to keep my cool. “Yes.” was all I could say.

How the hell else am I supposed to answer a question like that?

Leave a Comment