Let’s start with a very simple example, but one that can spark outrage on both sides. The “cry it out” method when it comes to getting babies to sleep. I tread so lightly when this topic comes up in a group of parents, I practically disappear…I tip toe my way right to the other side of the cul-de-sac, sneak inside, and pretend I was never there to begin with. Why? Because having a simple conversation seems impossible with some women. Having an opinion on whether to soothe a baby to sleep at any cost to one’s own sanity just to get the child to sleep for a few hours of the night or to let that child spend a night or two crying for an excessive amount of time? If you fall on the other side of the argument than some women, you can kiss the friendship goodbye.
This is just one of countless topics that divided not only women, but also parents in general, and then becomes a source of neighborhood gossip. “Oh my gosh, so and so’s baby was crying last night. I could hear it all the way from my window, it’s all because she (insert one side of the argument or the other). I can’t believe she parents that way.” Do you notice right now, I’m still dancing around the subject out of fear if I slip my opinion into this article, the readers who don’t fall on my side will annihilate me! The fact is…there is no right answer. Every child is different and every parent is different. If there were a clear-cut answers, authors wouldn’t be making millions by writing entire books dedicated to the subject.
So will moms every stop judging one another? I think it’s safe to say that’s impossible. It’s human nature, though wrong, to judge others in many cases. But we can raise our white flags and try to stop. More importantly, ask ourselves why we judge others? I’ve thought about this for some time and there are several reasons, but I think it boils down to two: we’re afraid and/or upset. We may be afraid we’re doing something wrong ourselves, so it’s easy to lash out at others and say what they’re doing is wrong. We’re afraid of what we might find if we explore other options. One mother may be scared that if she does take her child to the doctor to discuss a behavior problem, her child may walk away with a diagnosis that terrifies them both. So instead, that mother points to the other moms around her say they’re all handling their child the wrong way, right?
I think the other reason we judge other parents is because we get upset, sometimes about totally unrelated issues. My husband is gone and I had an awful day at work…the kids are bouncing off the walls, mommy needs to put on a show and let the TV babysit for an hour. Meantime, Suzy Homemaker across the street is talking about how you never play with your kids and let them sit in front of the TV all the time; maybe she’s upset her husband is home and doesn’t spend time with her so she’s lashing out at you…who knows? The point is we get upset and we judge others because it makes us feel better about ourselves. Saying something nasty about someone else can make you feel great for a moment, but later…don’t you feel awful?
