4) Don’t allow statistics to determine your life.

There are myriad articles and statistics that like to point out military relationships are doomed to fail- and to that I roll my eyes. YOUR relationship is NOT a statistic.

My husband and I didn’t live together until seven months after we’d married. In fact, when we moved to our new duty station, it was the first time we’d even been in one location together for more than two weeks. We both had ideals for marriage that we’d shared and agreed upon before marriage, but the sweet nothings of long-distance love look different in the light of day when you’re both brushing your teeth over the same sink, in a hurry to run off to your respective jobs and the dog decides to poop on the carpet.

We struggled.

What I realize now is that THIS WAS THE GOLDEN OPPORTUNITY. This is the opportunity to learn how to give respect, how to ask for respect, to make yourself vulnerable, to assert your needs, to overcome together, to explore together, to forge a new life together (far from family and friends), to pine for one another over vast distances, to find creative solutions together and to meld into soul mates—together.

Contrary to popular belief, now is not the time to be the shrinking violet, nor is it the time to throw at your spouse a barrage of complaints—now is the time to give yourself the empowering gift of understanding, most importantly of yourself, and then by extension, your spouse.