I took a real hard look at myself and did an honest assessment of where I was, where I REALLY was, and where I wanted to be. At 37 years old… I felt like I was too old to be young but I felt like I was too young to feel this old. I had to make a change NOW. It was urgent. I had to take my life back before it slipped a way. I had a vision of my ideal me. I saw her in my minds eye… but I didn’t know how to snap back to her. I didn’t just want to get back to her…I NEEDED to get back to her. Because she could get me out of this rut. I had to take my life back. On March 29, 2013 I had my “now or never” moment.
I am goal oriented person. I pride myself in that. So I started to write out my goals. Like I always do. But I couldn’t just do the same old goals this time… the qualitative goals that I hid behind for the past decade:
-I want to be a better mother
-I want to be an asset to my community
-I want to lose a little weight
-I want save some money
-I want to live a good life
-I want to be a better person.
You know the kind of goals I’m taking about. Those failsafe goals. Those unmeasurable goals. Those no beginning… no END goals.
I had to sit down and write out some hard core, the proof is in the pudding, pass or fail, you either did it or didn’t, real, measurable, quantitative goals. If I was going to get out of this rut.
One of my goals was weight loss. But this time my goal wasn’t I want to lose some weight. Or I want to eat better…
My goal was I am going to lose 100 pounds by December 31, 2013.
I was 301.8 pounds.
I wanted to challenge myself to conquer my most seemingly impossible goal during the most trying year of my adult life… because I wanted to walk into 2014 knowing that I could BE, could DO, and could HAVE anything in this world I wanted… without limit. My journey was not really about weight loss, it was about getting back to that pure, unbridled determination that had gotten me from humble beginnings to a place where the world considered me lucky. Somewhere during the past decade I had lost that.
