Thirdly, the use of this term and the increase in vitriol towards any one in our community who fits into whatever definition they come up with that day is harming our community. It has created a culture of fear and isolation for many spouses. I hear from spouses constantly who tell me that they are scared to ask any question anymore. They are scared to become involved in any way in support groups. They are terrified of not being “perfect” and being put on blast.
What purpose does that serve? None. I will tell you it IS putting a stress and strain on an entire community that, frankly, has dealt with enough over the past 14 years. No, being a military spouse is not the “toughest job in the military”… but it does have very real challenges. Everyone deals with it differently but we all, at the very least, need to be aware of the resources and support available if we find ourselves needing them. This entire conversation has effectively shut off those resources and support for many spouses.
Lastly, the hateful commentary (all in the name of “good fun”, or so I hear) is painting another really disturbing picture. It is painting military spouses who engage in it as mean, gossipy, spiteful folks. It is painting active duty members and veterans who engage as misogynistic jerks. Another stereotype is forming, and it is ugly. Stereotypes usually are.
Frankly, I get embarrassed for many of the commenters I see online. I often wonder what would happen if these folks said the same things to their bosses wife. Or daughter. Or anyone for that matter. Employers don’t tend to think very highly of people who engage in this nasty behavior online. Like I always tell my daughter, “If you wouldn’t want your mother, your employer, or your friends parents to hear it, don’t you ever say it online.” The internet, and how you present yourself on it, follows you forever.
This is no longer a military spouse issue in my mind.
