During our pre-marriage counseling, we talked about kids, religion, work, finances, holidays, and more but not pets. A few months after the wedding, I asked, “What kind of dog do you want?” Imagine my surprise when he matter of factly answered, “None.”
Eventually, I won him over.
Our first dog was Rocky, a black lab mix. We rescued him from a local shelter in Colorado Springs. Cali was our desert dog; California was her name. We adopted her at 11 months old without knowing anything about her early life. During our trip across the country, we figured out that she was left behind when someone moved because we had to place her in the car first at every stop. Next, came Sadie, our senior German Shepherd, in Kansas City, Missouri. She was 10 when we adopted her, so we did not change her name. If we had, she would have been Moka (Missouri/Kansas) Our current dog Shenny (Shenandoah is her official name) is from Virginia. My husband came up with the idea to name our dogs in honor of where we adopted them.
Just as he has accepted dogs into our family, I have learned to adapt to things my husband loves. He loves music, movies, and sports. Whenever we are together, he turns on music in the background. When he comes home, the music turns on. When we were newlyweds, I did not understand how he could focus with music in the background and he did not understand how I could focus without music. He loves movies and I can now quote movies at random times, which makes him very happy. Sports are still a work in progress. I like football, hockey, and soccer, but I am still working on baseball and basketball.
Each of us brings special characteristics to our marriage. It doesn’t matter so much whether you are a dog or cat person, a hockey or baseball fan, or a music or quiet connoisseur. The more time we spend getting to know the other person, the easier it is to like what they like. Marriage is learning about the other person for a lifetime. I still discover new things about my husband after thirty years of marriage.
When we had kids, parenting styles brought new depth to our marriage. Each of us came with family traditions, parenting styles, and even deeply rooted opinions on names for kids. (As teachers, both of us had lists of names we would never name our kids.) Yet, just as discovering my husband did not have dogs growing up, parenting styles became part of the tapestry of our marriage.
As our kids become adults, our marriage changes again. What do we do together without kids? We are discovering new passions and reigniting our love of travel. Some of the travel will be to visit our kids but other trips will be to places that pull at our hearts. My list is long and varied. Dave’s list has “with Jennifer” at the top, because, he wants to try anything I want to do.
After learning about him for thirty plus years, I’ve been inspired to put trips to the football, basketball, and the Rock and Roll Halls of Fame on my list. I want to do things he enjoys as much as I want to do things I enjoy. What differences do you see in your marriage? How can you learn more about your spouse?
