Photo Credit: Photo Pin
Oh, I know what you are thinking. “Wait! You mean you WANT us to send more a few naked pictures to our spouse while they are deployed? That is NOT what I was expecting.” Well folks, let’s just say that this old fashioned seasoned spouse has ‘evolved’ when it comes to the issue of baring all for the camera to spice up your relationship during any type of separation. I used to think it was a stupid thing to do, but now I am all for it. According to twitter and facebook, I was the odd man out on this subject. Nude pictures seem to be flying from here to Afghanistan in record numbers and well, if that many people are doing it… it must be okay. So, who wants to come over and drink a few bottles glasses of wine and help me with my photo shoot?
Here we go… 6 reasons I think you should really consider sending those nude pictures the next time your spouse is gone:
6) No More Creepy Drugstore Guy
Remember the days when you had to put on a hat, scarf, and huge sunglasses just to take that roll of film down to the drugstore and develop it? And if you had naked pictures in there, you were guaranteed to get the creepy guy who drove a suspiciously empty ice cream truck as your developer. Well, thanks to the internet… we can avoid that creepy guy altogether. Now, when you take those photos they are just between you, your spouse… and the Cloud.
5) You Want Your Kids to Know That Mommy USED to be Hot
Let’s face it. Age is not kind to the naked body. Sure there are some women who, with the help of great genes and an amazing plastic surgeon, can look slammin’ in the buff until they are collecting social security… but they are not the rule. As we age gravity does cruel things. Those perky breasts you once loved will be in dire need of a belt when they are hanging around your waist. So take those pictures now and send them out. That way when your kids get a hold of them as adults and you are long gone… they will be able to remember you for the vibrant, sexual creature you were in your younger years.
4) The Internet is MUCH More Secure than it used to Be
True, back in the day it was really dangerous to send stuff online because there was a chance that everyone and their brother could get a hold of it. But not now! Thanks to the invention of the smart phone and screen shotting, our information is more secure than ever. Facebook has privacy settings and it is virtually impossible to hack into anyone’s email account anymore. Whew! So no more worrying about your pictures being in the hands of every soldier deployed. NO ONE will see those photos except you and your spouse. Ever. I promise.
3) Honesty IS the Best Policy
Thanks to our frequent communication, the old adage that we shouldn’t be sharing every single detail during a deployment has gone the way of the dinosaur. Today’s military spouse understands that even though there may be thousands of miles between you, there is no reason your spouse shouldn’t be just as involved in every single minute of your day as when they are home. So naturally, making sure that they get to see us naked just as frequently as if they were right here with us is a good thing. Besides… omitting any detail of our lives during deployment can be a sign that you are not being honest in your marriage (or so I have been told). I want to have an honest marriage and omit nothing. So pictures of me naked shaving my legs are on the way!
2) No One Wants to be a Politician Anymore
Look. I know what I said about the internet being secure and all, but if we are being totally honest there is a really slim chance that pictures could get out. Now most employers (like schools, churches and law firms, etc.) really don’t care how many naked pictures of you are floating around on the internet. It is just a part of your character. But the exception would be politics. We all know that anyone who wants to be a politician must lead a squeaky clean life from start to finish and that nude photos are not a part of that perfect picture. But, really… who wants to be a politician these days? Have you SEEN how many hours the members of Congress work? They are literally working themselves silly… and for really no pay at all.
1) There is NO Better Way to Say “I Love You”
We have all done the care package thing. We have all written sappy love letters and emails to express our love. We have all spent months and months taking care of things at home so that they can do their job with less worry. But those things are just not the ultimate expression of love anymore. Truly, there is no better way to show your support for your service member than to take a picture of you with a duck face, laying spread eagle on a bear rug in 6 inch hooker heels. Actually, I get a bit teary eyed when I think about it.
So, what are you waiting for? I better go. My wine delivery and friend with a budding photography business just showed up. I can’t wait for my husband to see these!