Once upon a time…
…there lived a military spouse in a brand new town, she carried with her a 4 year old little girl and the love of an amazing sailor. Just a few short weeks of moving into their new house that was off base, the amazing military member deployed to Kuwait. This spouse had already been through 2 deployments and a PCS overseas. She thought “This is going to be so easy.” Boy, was she wrong. At the end of the very first week the washing machine blew a vital rubber thingymabobber and the entire house flooded with a full machine worth of water. Anything can that can go wrong… This spouse thought she was super wife because her husband was a Utilitiesman in the Seabees. “I TOTALLY GOT THIS” she said. After 6 trips to home depot she finally found the right doohickey to fix that machine.
Week 3 of deployment:
Flat tire on the subaru beater they brought back from Iceland. A car so old and ugly the odometer had busted ages ago and the rust flakes made it sparkle. Ok no big deal, off to the tire center for a new one because a massive piece of metal sliced open the tire. DONE, pat on the back for this seasoned spouse.
Beautiful Daughter falls victim to the horrible icky know as the flu. Hospital visit confirms and is sent home with meds to ease suffering but will not cure her. Mom is now covered in snot, vomit, the runs, and medicine she refuses to take. 3 days of this endless cycle and NO sleep. Symptoms ease and life is going back to normal. HAHAHAHAHA Are you laughing yet?
Thank you amazing child for sharing all your nasty little germs with mommy. I so much love that you love to share already. You are the apple of my eye. Mommy loves you snuggle bunny. If you don’t know what just happened, I cannot really explain because my awesome neighbor came to the rescue and I was delirious for a couple days.
We are doing good so far, no major….. WHOA what is that? Another leak? Where? Holy moly? Daughter was flushing things down potty and the rack fell over in the bathroom and CRACKED the toilet. Now remember this house just got flooded and had to have carpets completely cleaned. Well did you know that when you replace a toilet you also have to replace the wax ring, attach proper insert plumbing called a float and make sure you buy the correct toilet to fit the space you need it in? Well I know this now. Home Depot is really really getting to know me by now. Mission accomplished, brand new shiny toilet installed and ready for action.
Flat tire again? Are you kidding me? Who is the idiot that keeps dropping crap in the middle of the road that my car just happens to find? Back to tire place who are now laughing at me. Thankfully I now have 2 beautiful brand new safe tires on the old beater. They are probably worth more than the car.
Well I get home after spending hours with a restless child in the small little waiting area only to get home and find a huge mess by my dog. Oh yes she has dragged just about every branch, toy, yard debris, dirt pile and rodent into the house through her doggy door onto my fresh and clean carpets. Beautiful daughter starts laughing and I start crying. This has to be the worst of it right?
I really need to stop saying I am super spouse. Somehow, some friend of mine decided to cook rice and screw it up (how do you screw up minute rice). So she pours it into the garbage disposal and turns it on without running water. SSSSSSSS, WHHHHIIIIIZZZZZ, POW, bonk. Yep those are real words but not the exact words I was saying at that moment. The disposal decided it does not like rice and exploded. Lifting the entire sink right out of the countertop and landing sideways in the hole. Rice is on my ceiling, and the water hose disengaged and is now spraying the ENTIRE kitchen. Can you just imagine that super spouse smile on my face at this point. Lesson “Friend no longer allowed to cook rice.”
Week who gives a rat….
By now I am spitting nails and ready to go and beat up someone. I have just about had it with this entire deployment and I am so ready to tell my sailor to get his rear end home or he will not have me home when he does decide to come home. How dare he leave me and make me have to deal with all this crap while he is off getting a sunburn. Who does he think he is?
Phone call from hubby FINALLY. OMG honey thank god you are ok I was so worried about you, ok not really because can you believe this horrible stuff that happened to me, I am so lost, please save me, hunny please don’t hang….. Line disconnects. I BLEEP BLEEEP BLEEEEEEEP BLEEEEEP.
I think we are now just past mid-deployment or what feels like my sailor has been gone for 10 years. It is time to start talking about what we are going to do when our awesome and amazing military member gets home. Some spouses are due any day, some spouses have been gabbing away at how they got to go on vacation, and some are even gloating that they have had the worst time ever when the TV broke. Now is when you really want to tell them exactly how you feel and you just turn and walk away.
Weeks after mid deployment, Super Spouse got fired from her job because dumb boss got caught doing something incredibly stupid and super spouse would not cover for him. Beautiful Daughter falls on the bus to Pre K and gashes open her chin, which required 3 agonizing stitched. And I mean agonizing for mommy, they almost has to sedate me. I mean seriously that was a ton of blood are you sure she has enough in her to stay alive? Super spouse ends up with a cracked tooth and has to have a root canal and goes under sedation and gets so loopy she ended up in hospital for observation. That was some GOOD STUFF, does it come in bubble gum flavor? Goodness can this really keep going?
Fast forward to another phone call. You have to think this was a while ago when the shock and awe phase of Operation Iraqi Freedom was in swing. There was very very very very little contact with anyone, other than a quick “Hey babe, its me, I am safe, we are ok, I love you, how’s my babygirl?, I love you Bye baby” Still frustrated and here come the water works.
Now that I think things are starting to get back to normal, I was seriously mistaken and about to really punch holes in the wall. A serious mixup at the bank caused our bank accounts to go negative by $500, it was still 4 days before payday and we had ramen noodle and cans of green beans left in the house. I am frantically calling the bank and using more sailor words then I care to admit. I was informed that it would take 3-4 business days before they could credit back my account and make sure the overdraft charges are reverse. This is the exact time that I was in tears (AGAIN) and my friend walks in the front door, she loads us up in her car (mine is out of gas) and takes us to the commissary and bought us a weeks worth of groceries. (SEE WHY I SAY “MILITARY IS FAMILY”)
1 week before deployment is to end.
We are all so excited, I am at my breaking point and can’t wait to see my sailor. It has been 8 very long months, yes I know you army spouses are laughing that we only endure 8 months so why are we crying. At this point, I am half tempted to go back to live with my mommy for a while and had no idea what else could go wrong. See there I go again thinking it can’t get any worse. I get a phone call from the command. “Homecoming has been pushed for at least 1 more month or so, we cannot give out exact dates on an unsecure line, please join us for a formal FRG meeting tomorrow.” YUP THAT’S IT I GIVE UP! I hate you military and I am so not dealing with this crap. I love my sailor but there is no way in hell I am ever putting up with this crap again.
We get to the venue for the FRG meeting to find out the vital information on when our sailors will be gracing us with their presence. I am numb at this point and read to blow a fuse. Let one of the freakishly ecstatic spouses even come near me with their fake smiles and goodwill and I will probably go nuclear on them. Once we are all settled down in the meeting, we are informed they made a mistake and that they will be home even early than expected. Like in just 2 days. Are you freaking kidding me? OH THANK YOU LORD. Really? I grab my daughter and I am off to buy the perfect welcome home outfit, Yay mall time, oh wait, we are still a few days from payday so off to NEX and Wally World I go…..
Have you ever felt like this, super spouse? Have you ever wanted to just throw in the towel because you just couldn’t handle it? It happens more than you think. There are so many spouses out there that fall victim to deployment depression. We know there are support groups, we know there are people willing to help us, but we fall so deep that we don’t want the help anymore. We just want to give up.
This is the exact time that you should be reaching out. Before, during and after deployments. So what if you are not besties with this person, so what if you would never go on lunch dates with them or have awesome bonding time. There is a Spouse that NEEDS YOU. They need to feel that there is hope, that they are NOT alone and they have someone who can help them out of their yoga pants and have a coffee with.
There are plenty of spouses out there that I rarely give a second thought to because they have burned me in some way or another, but when their Military Member is deployed you can bet all your chips I will send a message in some form to them or find someone to reach out to them. Why? Because MILITARY IS FAMILY. Regardless of situation, you have an obligation to be the best military spouse you can be. And remember, if you are ever feeling that depression kicking in, SEND ME AN EMAIL. I will be there for you 24/7.