Silence
I wondered if this was one of those things that my mother-in-law warned me about and that I should just accept it, move on, and not press the issue. After all, anytime I tried to broach this conversation before, I heard crickets. No one wanted to share their opinion. Committed to understanding, I started emailing and calling up spouses (enlisted, officer, previous military, new spouses, seasoned spouses, Air Force, Army, and on and on… )and asked them these questions. I heard confessions followed by pleas for anonymity out of concern for hurting feelings, being chastised, or causing unfortunate repercussions on their spouse’s career. No one wanted to talk about it because they were worried about the backlash. For this very reason, I am glad to share some of their words because they might not otherwise be part of the discussion.
Spouses Sound Off
I approached this research with the expectations that once everyone felt comfortable enough to speak their mind, they would universally support my belief that combined spouses are the way to go. Boy was I mistaken. I heard opinions and arguments for both sides.
Combined Clubs
I heard many people supporting combined clubs. As one spouse put it, “… in theory, combined clubs make perfect sense!” According to a new spouse who has access to a combined club, “my opinion is that they are a good thing. Separation of rank, especially among spouses who are rank-less, has always bothered me and I like that there are well-attended events, supported at the highest levels, available to all spouses.” A 30-year spouse felt that, “We come from all walks of life experiences and support one another. Several of my lifelong friends from the military were officer wives. It was NEVER an issue between us… Military spouses are put into these situations where we are away from family and sometimes isolated, with spouses deployed. Why should we be separated based on rank and class? What a richer experience it would be, to just be able to be there for one another.” A 7-year spouse sums up this argument nicely with, “I cannot see why a spouses’ club needs to be separated. This is so old school. We all have a common goal, to serve our community, and we can go about this stronger if we are all together… I know a lot of people are concerned that if we combine, boards will be officer-spouse heavy and that enlisted spouses will be swept under the rug. These are valid concerns, but I think that as we move forward we need to band together and break down the walls that separate and exclude spouses.”
