Keeping Them Separate
The most persuasive argument for keeping them separated came from a spouse currently serving on the board of a combined club. She also has previous board experience in a separated club. She shared with me that, “After my experience here, part of a combined club, I do think separate clubs would be better. As an enlisted spouse, I feel like a puppet for the higher-ranking spouses… what I don’t like is that I had no power. Like none. I am overlooked and for a good reason. I don’t have the connections and I don’t run in the same circles.” “When we needed to push things through, I had no power. I was instantly stepped over, so that things could be taken care of faster.” When disagreements arose in board discussion, “my old advisor told me there wasn’t anything their husbands could do to retaliate, but I know husbands and wives talk. I was fearful of getting a bad reputation and being isolated. I was afraid certain benefits, training, opportunities would not be offered to my husband because of a disagreement between me and my very high-ranking advisors.” She left me with some really good food for thought, “My advisors are really good women with a great deal of power, and that’s what is scary to me. What if they weren’t? What if my advisors were more power hungry or vindictive? I worry for the enlisted spouse in this situation.”
This spouse really got me thinking about power. Do spouses automatically have greater power if their spouse has higher rank? Does the power come from having easier access to the ear of leaders and decision makers? If power is directly related to their spouse’s rank then I really question how balanced and effective a combined club can really be for all spouses.
I talked with a spouse with prior military service who believes that, “split clubs are better – it sounds snobby – but it boils down to relating better to people with similarities.” I heard the statement several times that, “enlisted spouses and officer spouses have different issues and concerns.” As one spouse expressed, “… and that’s OK!!! I think we each need a space where we can be ourselves and discuss issues and topics that affect us!” This topic also got me thinking. If we do away with separate clubs, will spouses have a place for these unique issues?
