Are Our Differences Really From Rank?
As one 11-year spouse said, “I really see both points of view with regard to maintaining separate groups and combining them; all spouses benefit from the support and camaraderie but the issues that enlisted spouses face might be different than those officer spouses might and vice versa.”
Since it seems to be overwhelmingly accepted that enlisted and officer spouses have different needs and issues, then I ask the question – are we similar or different simply because of our spouse’s rank? Enlisted military members are typically younger than officers by the simple fact that most people enlist right after high school and most officers start after college. I can tell you that I had different needs and interests as a 19-year-old than as a 23-year-old. My friends who started families earlier have different needs and interests than my friends who were 35 when they had kids and different from my friends without kids. I get that rank has bearing on things that touch our life like pay and on-base housing options. When we had less pay, we were more concerned about coupons and making ends meet. When I was couponing out of necessity, it didn’t mean that I couldn’t relate to the spouses who were financially comfortable in some other way. My spouse could have a high pay rate but if we are strapped because we are paying for grandmother’s nursing home care, then I need the support of my fellow couponers. Yes, we are all different and we may find that we have similarities with spouses who share similar rank to our spouse but I argue that rank itself is not the reason for our differences.
Fraternization
Even if we decide where we want to go, if we don’t understand why we separated in the first place, then we cannot fully embrace moving forward. So, I asked the more seasoned spouses why the clubs were separated in the first place, I heard a universal response – fraternization. As one 30-year spouse frankly said, “it should be combined, however then you have to do away with the ‘fraternization’ issue.” Go look up the definition of “fraternization.” It is an interesting concept to consider. The very idea is contradictory; being friendly can be a bad thing. When I researched the military policies, the only legitimate documentation I could find about on the public domain lives on www.defense.gov. The Services Fraternization Policies page summarizes the policies for the different service branches. I recognize that the military is different from any other community or organizational hierarchy out there in society today, so it warrants special policies in order to function properly. However, even though the policies have lightened up over the years, they are still very firm. Even though spouses are not bound by the same policies and rules as military members, are the fraternization policies still causing spouses to separate? Furthermore, are the fraternization policies preventing spouses from feeling comfortable interacting with each other?
