Nervous About Nookie After Deployment

Dear Sally,

My husband comes home from his first deployment soon. We have only been married a little over a year and he has been deployed most of that time. I am really excited and glad he is coming home… but I am also very nervous about, well, being intimate after all that time. Any advice?


Nervous About Nookie

Dear Nervous,

Homecoming nerves are TOTALLY normal, and even though everyone might not admit it, lots of spouses have them. Even after multiple deployments, this seasoned spouse still worries about the intimacy stuff when my husband is on his way home. That is a long time to be apart and to be celibate! They say it is like riding a bike, but I am not interested in just jumping on and pedaling away… if you know what I mean! We want to re-connect, express our love… and let’s be honest, we want to KNOCK THEIR SOCKS OFF!

Here is my advice: Give it time, communicate, and keep expectations in check. The reality is that when he gets home he will be exhausted, he will probably smell (sorry), and both of you will be emotionally drained. Let whatever happens that first night happen. You may be in the throes of passion that first night for hours, or you may have two minutes of passion. Try not to be discouraged if things don’t measure up right away. Remember how it was when you first got married? Everything may not have been perfect at first. But, the best part about a honeymoon is learning about each other and figuring out how to ride that bike like a Tour de France champion!

The great news about military life, is that you get that honeymoon experience over and over again. Here’s wishing you a happy and satisfying homecoming!


Sally Spouse

Photo Credit: Wimberely Frazier Bonnette

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