Your partner will not change for you. If there is an aspect of your partner’s personality or behavior that you have a serious problem with, marrying them is not going to fix it. If you married a very messy, disorganized person, chances are, they aren’t suddenly going to start doing the dishes or writing in an agenda. Yes, we all have flaws, but those flaws need to be accepted before diving into a life-long commitment. And if those flaws really aren’t something you can live with, then it’s a good thing to recognize that and have the ability to walk away.
On the other hand, there are issues that may come as a surprise, like a lack of communication or problems in the bedroom, and those are difficulties many couples are able to overcome with the hard work and compromises that are essential for marriages to succeed.
Although it’s valuable to recognize when our outlooks on marriage are unrealistic, it’s also imperative that we hold onto certain expectations, like expecting not to be cheated on or lied to, or assuming that our spouses won’t emotionally or physically abuse us. Because while it’s unlikely that we will get everything we want out of our marriages, at the minimum, everyone deserves to have a happy, healthy relationship in which they feel respected and loved.