3. You will help build a robust community.
The more you talk about the qualities that make you YOU, the more connections you will make, and the more you will enable others to make connections, too.
You might be a career-oriented military spouse, one who has mastered the art of taking your career with you wherever you have moved, with or without children. OWN IT.
You might be a stay-at-home mom, who has researched the quality of local schools extensively and who is involved in support groups in the Exceptional Family Member Program. OWN IT.
You might be an outside-activity enthusiast, so you have Outdoor Recreation’s schedule memorized and an extensive knowledge of the area’s unique sites. OWN IT.
Owning yourself sets the tone for a community in which spouses’ interests and skills are respected and celebrated. Ask other spouses about themselves. Give each other the space and the support to talk about their backgrounds and experiences. Doing this will help you build and empower a community of spouses with a robust collection of skills, talents, and expertise.
Furthermore, consider how making this a diligent practice might just erase the sometimes alienating side effects of typical introductions. When we introduce ourselves in terms of our service members’ job descriptions, we inadvertently make ourselves aware of that uncomfortable undercurrent of hierarchy; although that hierarchy may not matter to many, it can drive wedges between others.
Consider that, by introducing yourselves with details of your own backgrounds, you will be more likely to find common ground with other spouses before an awareness of a hierarchy (which doesn’t involve you anyway) has a chance to misguide or spoil your relationships.
4. You will define yourself.
Many military spouses reflect that somewhere in the midst of PCSs, TDYs and deployments, they lost sight of their own direction. Their sense of identity is blurry at best, which can be very depressing.
But, constant change doesn’t eliminate the gifts, talents and qualities within each of us. They are still within us, and we owe it to ourselves to breathe life into them.
Standing up and owning yourself enables you to define your shape. It shows others who you are and what you are capable of doing. It leads you to opportunities you wouldn’t have seen otherwise. It connects you to people with similar interests, who become helpful resources, coaches, and cheerleaders. It overturns stones that allow you to hone skills that might have been ignored. It leads you to happier feelings, a more positive outlook, a greater momentum and a motivated spirit.
Best of all, it makes you feel more confident in yourself and your abilities. And suddenly, that self-identity comes into sharper focus, and your life’s roadmap reveals a much clearer direction.
I think it’s safe to say that when military spouses express a desire to reclaim their identity, the vast majority of spouses don’t mean to imply that they wish to reclaim it so they can move on alone; rather, they wish to reawaken a drive within themselves so that they can walk alongside their service members with a sense of purpose and a feeling that they are teammates.
And that word right there – “teammates” – that’s the key to succeeding in this life, isn’t it? In a life that requires us to shift gears, adjust the balance and change course frequently, we succeed when both military spouse and service member are standing up strong on our own two feet … when both of us are standing up strong … when both of us are standing up.
There are aspects of this life that we cannot change – “change” being chief among them. But we can examine how we approach this life, and make choices that lead us toward happier, more authentic versions of ourselves.
Standing up and owning yourself just might be a start.
