Hurtful Questions
“How long are you here?” Umm…we just got here. Let me finish unpacking my boxes before I even think about when I’ll have to pack them up again. Lydia Bradbury and her family are stationed at NAS Whiting Field and can relate to this first hand. “The never ending repeat questions: When do you move? Where are you moving? When is a good time to come visit? Do you think I know this information and am having fun toying with you? When I find out you’ll find out,” she said. Sometimes you just have to take a deep breath, think, and respond, “It’s anyone’s guess at this point. Typically we’re at a duty station for (fill in the blank depending on your spouse’s branch or billet), but it’s the needs of Uncle Sam. We really never know.”
Danielle Dabrowski currently calls the Reserve Station in Lexington, Kentucky, home and pointed to another question that can really cut deep. Asked innocently enough, but it still stings: “I always enjoy people asking what I do with all my free time when my husband is deployed,” she said. “WHAT free time!?” It’s true. If one hasn’t lived it, one just doesn’t get it. Even new military spouses are guilty of this one. A deployment may sound like it would leave a lot of free nights to the unknowing spouse…but they can be some of the busiest, most stressful times for the spouse left at home, especially when there are children to raise or animals to care for. The deployment isn’t any easier on a couple without children. Though there may be more quiet time, it can remind you how lonely you really are.
It boils down to this. Military life can be hard. It stinks at times. But, aren’t we truly some of the luckiest people on earth? We’re married to men and women who love their country so much they’d put their lives on the line to save it. They’re strong-willed, physically tough, and disciplined. And so are we. We put our lives on hold. We make sacrifices. And we reap great rewards. Stephanie Shelton Hawkins worded it perfectly. Something that makes her tick also humbles her. “Living around the world,” she said. “Having my horizons expanded and then going back to my small hometown in Virginia for a visit and seeing how little those family [members] and friends have lived…I truly do have a blessed life.” The same things that make us tick – moving every few years, making new friends, starting new careers, finding new schools, answering the same questions over and over again just to a new crowd of strangers…they’re also the very things that make us so worldly, strong, and compassionate.
So order a pizza, turn on a game and give someone a chest bump…let’s celebrate March Madness!
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