Be flexible.
Before we were married, I lived a really independent life. I had a professional job, a paid-off car, my own apartment. I was in control.
And then I married John and everyone but me was in control. It really bothered me at first (and I would lie if I said that it still doesn’t bother me), but I’ve learned how to deal with the inconsistencies of his schedule and the demands of the military. I’ve learned how to work within the system and how to be happy and fulfilled in its confines.
Expect good–no, GREAT– things.
It seems that military spouses generally get a bad rap– for being drama queens, or lazy dependents, or whatever. I haven’t had that experience– not in real life, not online. It’s been wonderful to be accepted by really and truly wonderful women who support each other and want the best for each other. They’ve helped me grow my freelancing business, have introduced me to other awesome spouses, have driven against I-95 traffic to meet for lunch, and have given me a lot of laughs and happiness. So thanks, ladies!
Expect to meet fantastic people. Expect to do cool stuff. Expect to have fun. And then go do those things.
Stop listening to relationship “experts.”
At the beginning of our marriage, I read a ton of books, articles, and blog posts because I like to learn, I like to research, I want to be the best. (Yeah, I know, marriage isn’t a competition, but if we’re in this thing together, then I want us to have the best marriage we can possibly have.)
There’s really not that much “good” stuff out there. I’m talking about writers/experts with an egalitarian viewpoint. Ones who put as much emphasis on the husband’s responsibility in the relationship as the wife’s. Ones who don’t use religion as a way to keep women in their “place” or make them feel inferior. Ones that don’t tell me that if I don’t give my husband a cold drink of water, he’ll go somewhere else to get it– not that he’s not entitled to that cold drink of water just because he’s my husband, or that maybe, just maybe, he should be patient, or, above all, that he made a vow to not go for glasses of water from other people. (No really, the glass of water analogy was a real thing. Really, really bad advice. And a cringe-worthy analogy.) It just doesn’t apply to us and how our relationship functions. So we’ve foregone the relationship advice from nameless, faceless “experts.” We’re sticking to advice from people we know and trust.
