I can remember being in high school and thinking “Yeah, maybe I’ll have kids someday. It’s what grown-ups do.”
By college I started to have friends that actually did have kids and while I fully supported them, I realized that kids probably weren’t in the cards for me.
Yet, rarely did I say that out loud.
I’d say “someday” or “maybe” or point out the fact that I usually didn’t make it past a second date with a guy, because I was so picky that there wasn’t really a second person to add to the mix. And from what I remembered, that second person was kinda important when creating a tiny human.
What I never said out loud was “I don’t want to have kids.”
I don’t think I really said that phrase for the first time to anyone UNTIL I met my husband. Since we did everything backwards, we talked about things that usually don’t come up in the first week of dating as soon as we could.
We were engaged within six weeks of meeting each other and we didn’t skip the talks about religion, life expectations, or kids just because we went faster than the speed of light.
When he put that ring on my finger we were pretty set on the no-kids decision.
Finding a guy who was nearly 30 that had never been divorced and had no kids from previous relationships was pretty much like finding a unicorn. So, to realize we were on the same page about the kid issue too was one of those things that sealed the deal for me.
I wouldn’t have married someone that was dead set on being a parent, because it wouldn’t be fair to them or me.
I saw what happened to Christina and Owen on Grey’s Anatomy when that happened. I wouldn’t put a real person through that same thing.
When a woman says “I don’t want to have kids”, people look at her as though she also admitted to kicking puppies.
In my office, we were having a discussion about children and a male Sailor said he and his wife won’t be having kids, because they don’t want them. The guys in the office who have kids joked and said they were making the smart choice.
When they turned to me the question wasn’t IF we’re going to have kids, or do we WANT kids, it was “Hey since your husband finally moved up, when are y’all starting on the kid thing?” and “I bet you are pregnant before you leave this command!”
My response of “We don’t want kids” left them reeling.
Apparently, it is unheard of for a woman my age not to feel the pull to have children. And it’s perfectly okay for the general public to tell me just how wrong my choice is.
I’ve had people tell me “But you’re already the office mom, you’d make such a great real mom!”
Just because I am super organized at work doesn’t mean I can take that and translate it to home. Or that I want to! I keep track of everyone and what they are doing and where they are going at work, because it’s my JOB.
I love being able to go home and turn that off.
It doesn’t mean I’ll ever get rid of the Mary Poppins purse that carries everything that anyone could ever need, but it does mean I’m not looking to trade it in for a diaper bag any time soon.
I’ve had people ask me “How can someone that wants to be a teacher not want her own kids?”
Ever ask me what I want to teach? I want to teach middle school kids.
You know, the weird ones in that transition stage of life who have so many hormones running through their bodies they can’t keep their heads on straight some days. I don’t want to teach tiny humans.
In fact, I just had to work with elementary school kids for a few hours a day and it made me even more sure I’m not built to be around their sticky hands and 8 million questions a day.
I am very happy to work with kids who need the most guidance- in an environment that I get to walk away from at the end of the day and relax with a glass of wine.